HUNGRY FOR KNOWLEDGE - The Washington Post

August 28, 2024

Q: My granddaughter, who my husband and I are raising, is just 3 years old -- a happy, bright, active, talkative and very outgoing little girl.

We thought this was wonderful until we signed her up for two weekly classes. One is a gym class for 3-year-olds, which lasts 45 minutes, and the other is a half-hour music class for 2- to 4-year-olds.

She does very well in both groups and obviously enjoys them, but one teacher reminds her -- constantly but nicely -- to pay attention or to sit down.

The other teacher is exceptionally patient, but it seems as if my granddaughter is taking over the class because she often tells the teacher what to do.

None of the other children, in either class, seems to be so talkative or active. It almost looks like my granddaughter is hyperactive, but I know she is capable of impressive self-discipline.

We think she would have more fun if she talked less and listened more. If her behavior continues, I'm afraid she will clash with the teachers when she starts kindergarten and then she'll be labeled a troublemaker.

A: Your granddaughter is hungry, not hyper -- hungry for knowledge, for stimulation, for good times.

That's the way it is for bright, extroverted children, particularly when they turn 3. The world is just opening up for your granddaughter now and she has a lot to say.

She wouldn't be so chatty, busy and bossy in class, however, if she weren't quite so chatty, busy and bossy at home.

It's not that your granddaughter is spoiled; she's just very self-confident, and she has you to thank for that.

You and your husband may not have as much energy as you had when your own child was 3, but now you have enough time, enough patience -- and probably enough money -- to give her what she needs, and enough wisdom to know the difference between a need and a want.

Because you know where you stand, your granddaughter knows where she stands, and that's right in the center of your attention. And because this is such an egocentric age, she thinks she should be in the center of everyone's attention, whether other children are around or not. That's the downside of being 3, but she will learn in time that other people aren't as patient and understanding as her family.

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You can help your granddaughter adjust to this reality more quickly if you discourage her when she interrupts grown-ups at home or when she tries to tell you what to do. Just a stern look and an uplifted eyebrow can teach most children to be more obedient, particularly if they also get a smile and a wink for good behavior. The young want to be good, but they want attention more, and they'll do whatever it takes to be noticed most -- which is a lesson her nagging teacher should learn.

Time will also help. Some young children aren't ready to sit still and be quiet, even if their classmates are. These children may be older -- chronologically or developmentally -- or they may have learned a few ropes at nursery school already.

Your granddaughter would also profit by two or three mornings a week at a good nursery school. Young children can often grasp social skills quicker and better from their teachers than from their parents or grandparents and better in a school than in short weekly classes.

Good teachers use rituals and rules to emphasize order and manners, but mostly they guide the children from one constructive activity to the next, and then let them police each other with their orders, their negotiations and their compromises. The playground is only a sign of the coming attractions they will face when they're grown up.

Whether your granddaughter goes to nursery school or not, she still needs to see two or three buddies every week. These little play dates give children the chance to practice the give-and-take that friendship requires and that elementary school will demand.

Don't expect her to change her style however. She will always be a big talker and an active child and she will probably always tell people what to do because that is her nature. She just has to learn how to slow down enough so the rest of us will want to do what she says.

To learn more, read "Your Child at Play: Three to Five Years," by Marilyn Segal and Don Adcock (Newmarket, $12). It's part of an excellent series by authors who realize how much children learn when they play.

Questions may be sent to P.O. Box 15310, Washington, D.C. 20003, or by e-mail to margukelly@aol.com

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